If you’ve seen the movie Fatal Attraction, you have some idea what a ‘bunny boiler’ is. The term bunny boiler has it origins in the movie. The leading female character, Alex, resorts to boiling the pet rabbit of the cheater involved in an affair. Her action is her way of sending a strong message to the cheater and his family.
I posed the question “Bunny Boiler or Love Addict?” since that extreme behavior may be a love addiction out of control. Although you may be aware of ‘bunny boilers”, you may have not heard of or know little about love addicts.
Love addicts have little to no boundaries. When they love, they love hard. The love addicts gets their high from romance, whether it is real or imagined.
The affair may or may not have been romantic. Whether or not it was, they embellish their recall of it so that it was romantic in their mind.
It’s not all ‘just their imagination’ either. The brain chemical they are chasing is known as PEA (beta-phenylethylamine). This is a naturally occurring feel good stimulant. When a love addict is chasing that PEA high, their self-control of emotions are non-existent. The high is what they are after, what they do in achieving doesn’t matter.
You may be married to a love addict, be one or the lover of the cheater may be one. If any one of the affair triangle is a love addict, the danger level has increased.
Since they feel worthless without a partner, they will cling desperately to whoever they grow attached to. When the love addict is the lover, they may have been the one who seduced your spouse. This happens when your spouse is viewed as someone who can fix them and take care of them.
Your spouse may not have planned on cheating, yet when you are dealing with a love addict, they may have been intentionally trapped. In some of the previous posts, I made references to ‘poachers’ who want to steal your spouse. Love addicts are an even greater danger.
Not only do they pose a greater danger, they often feel guilty for not wanting to have sex. They use sex as a way of gaining access to satisfying their emotional needs. They have little to no hesitation about going to extremes in this area.
They not only want to steal your spouse, they expect your spouse to meet all their needs. Meeting their needs sounds easier than it is. Since they are very needy, with unrealistic expectations, it is a tall order. The trouble comes when the cheater is unable to meet those expectations.
In many ways there are similarities between bunny boilers and love addicts. Both are willing to go to extremes. In my mind a true bunny boiler is obsessed and has some serious reality testing issues most of the time or trait, while the love addict, although capable of extreme acts, is not that way all the time. Theirs is more episodic or a temporary state.
When you are on the receiving end of their wrath, they will look very similar and are not to be toyed with. Both the love addict and bunny boilers are serious mental health concerns, that are not to be taken lightly. They pose a significant threat to you and your family.
Best Regards,
Jeff
