Lies are the lifeblood of an affair. The whole relationship starts with a lie, lives on lies and surrounds those involved with lies. Everywhere you look, there are more lies. These lies come from the affair partner, but also directly and indirectly from the cheater. They are so ingrained in that person’s psyche that they are parroted even by those closest to them in their “normal” life.
They weave a tangled web of deception that can be intricate and confounding to an outsider. That web catches the cheater, the lover and you in an entangling web.
It’s no surprise that one of the symbols associated with lies is two fingers cross-intertwined with each other. In a similar way, lies get you twisted and turned around. You can’t always see the truth from one direction.
You have to try and walk in all three directions before you can make sense of things, or even agree that they are tangled up. As you work towards untangling your life, it’s not just about pulling on webs to free yourself…
With so many lies being told and spread, it’s no wonder that you feel overwhelmed by them.
Lies by their very nature are designed to misdirect and confuse you. In the case of misdirection, you’re led to believe something that isn’t true.
The most powerful misdirection happens when the cheater gives you enough misdirection and you come to the wrong conclusion. Since you came to the conclusion, you believe it. It’s your conclusion, so you want to believe it even though you came to that conclusion through misdirection.
Many cheaters, especially in the early stages of the affair, will try to keep you from discovering their affair by lying about all sorts of things unrelated to the relationship or their lover. The more lies you hear, the more confused and tangled up you become.
In these cases, they didn’t lie about the conclusion you came to, you jumped to that conclusion yourself and believed it. You want to believe what your mind tells you.
Lies designed to confuse give you contradictory messages. At those moments, your mind is paralyzed by the contradictions. At that point you’re not sure what to believe.
Whatever type of lying happens, they all result in destruction. Something or someone is going to be destroyed by them.
What gets destroyed may be trust, your confidence, your marriage or your sanity. Lies don’t know when or where to stop. Once unleashed, they take off on a path of destruction.
One of the other effects of lies is how it destroys manners and decency. This happens after it leaves you unsure of what’s true. When you’re unsure what’s true, force and manipulation are the way problems are settled.
The way to counter lies is telling yourself the truth and believing the truth about what’s going on. You start by telling yourself the truth about what’s going on. It also means you start rejecting the lies you’re being told. Some of the lies come from your spouse and some come from yourself.
Giving yourself permission to reject the lies is an important milestone in the recovery process. This is why I address the topic early in the affair recovery process. You need truth before you start analyzing what caused the affair or what kind of affair it is.
Seeking causes and types of affairs before learning how to tell yourself the truth and reject lies can lead you to wrong conclusions.
In the video “Getting Past the Affair Crisis”, I share ways of telling yourself the truth. The more you tell yourself the truth, the less likely you’ll fall for the lies and deceptions.
Click and download the video today. In minutes you can be changing the direction your headed and what your mind is focused on. Getting your head and heart clear and straight gives you a healthy place to start healing.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
