You may not have thought about it, but there is a direct connection between stealing and affairs. When you find one, you likely find the other. For some reason many of your may not have considered their connection. There are many reasons for this, and many cheaters have hidden the connection in order to not have that negative association.
The simple truth is that when you take something that does not belong to you, it is stealing. As a child, I was taught that that simple lesson. Although my parents told me about stealing, what sticks in my mind is the story told by Mrs. Chapman using a flannel graph.
Although I have not seen flannel graphs used in many years, the story she exposed me to about a boy who stole a watermelon stuck with me. Picture after picture, those images about the boy and the watermelon conveyed some simple truths. Since I liked watermelons, especially the black diamond variety, I eagerly listened to find out more.
After eyeing the watermelon, the young boy let his desires get the best of him and took what didn’t belong to him. In his mind, he worked hard, it was hot outside and he deserved the enjoyment of the watermelon. The boy proceeded eating his stolen goods. The watermelon was tasty and sweet. He also had the added pleasure of not having to share it with anybody else.
No one knew he stole it, so no one was the wiser. It looked like the perfect crime.
What the boy didn’t count on was that the seeds from the watermelon eventually sprouted. Those little sprigs became evidence of his foul deed. He was found out at last.
With affairs, the cheater takes what doesn’t belong to him. He not only takes affections from the lover, which do not belong to him, he also gives the lover attention and affection that rightfully belong to you.
The weird thing about cheating is that it is often rationalized in the mind of either the cheater, the lover or both. They start thinking about the affair in terms of “she doesn’t deserve you” or “You deserve better” or “She doesn’t treat you right” or some such nonsense. In doing so, they use whether or not someone is deserving or ‘doing right’ to justify their theft.
Taking something that does not belong to you is still theft. All the talk about what someone ‘deserves’ or ‘treating people right’ is only window dressing that hides some ugly truths. Those mind games may help reduce their guilt, but it does not magically change the stealing into something noble or good.
Taking what does not belong to you is stealing. That is as simple as it gets.
In Mrs. Chapman’s story, the sprouting watermelon seeds told on the little boy. In the case of affairs, there are also tell-tale signs that reveal what the cheater has done. In the worst case scenario, the cheater can not hide a love child. Nor can they hide a STD (sexually transmitted disease).
They also can not hide the sprouting seeds inside of their heart in terms or becoming more distant, changes in sexual preferences, changes in mood, lying, and double-mindedness. Sure they can confess to you what they did, but that usually happens after the damage is already done.
When the cheater denies that there is any connection between their affair and stealing you are already seeing the tell-tale sign of a seared conscience, which like the little boy who stole the watermelon, reveals what really happened. The cheater may have thought that no one knew, that it was the perfect crime, that they deserved it, yet they were eventually found out.
When you start seeing the cheating through the lens of theft, you will start seeing some of the areas that need improving in your marriage along with some of the blind spots of the cheater.
When you understand the simple truths and deal with them, it has a way of unraveling ‘complicated’ situations. Many times those complicated situations became that way because of lies, mind games and attempts at hiding the simple truths.
Best Regards,
Jeff
6 Responses
And as a society we would be better off, if they treated them as thieves. prosecution and jail time. Might assist in preventing the act of. With the diseases floating around, potential exposure to the victim should have some type of legal action associated with.
David,
Thank you for your comment. I agree, society would be better off if there were some consequences.The current response of “it’s natural’/no big deal/it’s their life/etc. is not working. I continue racking my brain trying to come up with better solutions to cheating that heal the marriages.
In previous ages, church courts handles matters like affairs. When the civil and criminal courts took over from the church courts they were after a piece of the monies involved and not about justice. Now after civil and criminal courts have shown that they can’t handle infidelity, and the social stigma has been removed or watered down, the problem has exploded.
Putting aside the emotional impact etc…. The exploding levels of STDs, cheating should be considered assault. For whatever reason, the cheaters seem to think they are immune to diseases (opt out of protection). The victim, is exposed to temporary or even chronic deadly diseases. I would rather they punched me in the face multiple times (illegal) than to acquire HIV. Makes no sense how this is left out of the legal system. True consequences might prevent very painful negative outcomes.
David,
David,
Thank you for your comments. I often have to keep my anger about such matters in check. I can understand your being passionate about the topic.
The exploding level of STD’s definitely poses a threat. There have been some cases where those who did the infecting were prosecuted on assault charges. Where I live in Texas, it is considered a criminal offense. My suspicion is that this varies from State to State. Even in those States where it can be prosecuted as a criminal act, many lawyers and judges are hesitant to adhere to the law.
When was the last time you heard of law enforcement officers arresting someone for such criminal acts?
The arrogance of cheaters is baffling. They wreak havoc in their family, the lover’s family and their own lives. Since they often live more in their heads than in the real world, some never even consider how their actions impact others.
I live in a liberal state and I don’t believe even if I were to go to court I would have any defense worth a dime
There are no monies left to fight over and I would prefer my husband repent
He so far doesn’t appear to be concerned about any fallout
Since no fault divorce men in particular who drooled over playboy magazine suddenly had opportunity to Ba don heir spouses
So much more than money was stolen
Our children had their past image of their father destroyed …something that may take a very long time to reconcile with the false front of the great guy my husband was able to portray
The std I got which is not life threatening is something that I will deal with for the rest of my life
Informed of the diagnosis and warned to inform the women he had been with seems to have fallen on deaf ears as now he continues to engage new ones
Seeing such disregard by someone whose lifetime relationships have been based upon his squeaky clean image is so hard for all who actually do hold high the moral values of the Bible
Stolen the many many years from all of us
No laws on the books that I know of
I pray he will be brought to salvation before the just judge will bring to account all and those without the saviour will indeed meet an immovable destiny
A
Fearful risk to take …..
No fear of God before their eyea
Zaza,
Sadly the situation often varies from State to State. One of the regular readers reports a tragic situation in her home State. There, her spouse had an affair and the judge approved his marriage to another woman BEFORE the original marriage was ended. Even when the matter was brought to the judge’s attention, nothing was done to change the situation.
Things become very discouraging when the lawyers and judges show such a contempt of the law. When they blow like a weathercock, going in the direction of who pays them, it is justice for hire, NOT justice for all.
The only comfort in such situations is knowing that the situation will one day be reviewed by the Highest Court in heaven and the ‘just judge’ as you refer to Him. Many things will be set right at that point.
When judges break families up, much more is lost that money. Much of what is lost can not be replaced and is beyond monetary value.
Thank You again for your sharing your situation.
Jeff