Having grown up in the time I did, I was surrounded by televangelists of many sorts. There were always stories about them, some being positive and others being not so positive. Like many popular figures, they become a lightning rod for opinions both good and bad. Growing up surrounded by such figures and their stories, I became jaded by the many evangelist stories.
One night, a couple came in for help with their marriage problems. As they began telling their story, I sat in disbelief. I maintained my professional composure, yet afterwards needed some time to wind down. Their relationship began as an affair. The man claimed special status as a ‘messenger from God’ who wanted to ‘save’ the woman by means of sexual pleasure in the back of his car.
I was astounded that she actually believed him! Of all the lines used for getting into someone’s pants. She believed his story line of ‘salvation through sex’. She now felt that she had a special status with God because of her ‘special relationship’ with the man. As I said, I had heard some wild religious stories, but this one ‘took the cake’. Even though it was unsound theologically and psychologically, she believed it.
I thought to myself about how men come up with some outlandish stories to get into a woman’s pants, and this was a new angle for me.
Although the first time I heard the story of ‘being saved through sex’, I was flabbergasted, over the years, I’ve continued hearing the same story line more often than I’d like. It also occurred to me that this idea is more common than I had previously thought. Many affairs have an underlying theme of salvation achieved through sexual pleasure.
Just take a look at the site, “She’s a homewrecker!” and see the stories for yourself. You’ll see what I’m talking about. It amounts to a ‘same song, second verse’ kind of situation.
Sure, there are often some outlandish variants, yet the underlying theme remains.
The cheater thinks that the sex obtained through the affair will give them meaning and purpose, hence…salvation. They believe it will change their lives for the positive. Sexual fulfillment becomes their means of self-actualization and ‘being saved’. They view it as the MOST important part of their lives to the point they will leave spouse, family and careers behind for it. Consequences are ignored and their lives revolve around their pleasure seeking.
When the mindset of ‘being saved through sex’ progresses far enough and gets strong enough, the cheater is at risk of developing sexual addictions. Make no mistake, once this line of thinking takes hold, it progresses further and further, taking over more of their thinking and emotions.
If you’re facing such a situation, it’s not going away on its own. There are serious relationship issues going on in your marriage needing attention. The Affair Recovery Workshop will help you and your spouse start making the needed changes to your marriage, tools for staying together after infidelity and recovering from infidelity pain.
Best Regards,
Jeff
