You’ve likely heard about the importance of loving your neighbor. The whole idea of loving your neighbor sours quickly when you’re facing an affair.
As twisted as it sounds, there are some cheaters who take the whole idea of ‘love one another’ to an extreme it was never intended. Although it’s easy seeing when things go too far, have you ever considered how far you should go?
In the back of my mind I’ve pondered the question of how far loving others should go. I’ve also wondered how this teaching lines up with sound marital practice.
Let me start off by saying that I think you’re going too far when you invite the lover over to your home for a social purpose. They’ve already shown a total disregard of the boundaries of your marriage. Inviting them over is asking for trouble.
You can love them by forgiving them, but that doesn’t mean you have to make yourself foolishly vulnerable to being wounded further. Thinking that inviting them over as a show of forgiveness and display of your magnanimity will only create emotional confusion.
You can also love them by choosing to restrain yourself from excessive violence or hunting them down. If they have encroach on your home after what they’ve done, those restraints may not be so restrained.
Setting boundaries is a another good way of showing love. True love operates within boundaries. Those who talk of unbounded unconditional love are promoting a romantic notion rather than a workable reality.
Loving your neighbor in my mind means abiding by the law in matters concerning them rather than taking it into your own hands. Expecting them to obey the law and especially God’s law regarding marriage is not hating or being unloving.
Loving doesn’t mean foolishly making yourself vulnerable to them or begging and pleading with the lover. That kind of love is misdirected sentimentality.
Loving your spouse also doesn’t mean ignoring what they’ve done or not bringing it up because it makes them uncomfortable.
Love also brings with it accountability. You can love the cheater and still hold them accountable.
When the cheater tells you that you don’t love them because you hold them accountable, you’re being manipulated. Love always lives with honesty and accountability.
If the cheater has shut you up by silencing you regarding accountability, your marriage needs help.
In the downloadable “Affair Recovery Workshop“, you’ll be guided in ways of developing healthy communication. You’ll also learn ways of establishing healthy intimacy rather than gushy sentimentality.
Your marriage can have a healthy type of love rather than the ideas about love that ruin marriages and get people in trouble.
Best Regards,
Jeff
