One of the more intriguing lessons I’ve learned about traumas is that when a traumatizing event occurs, it leaves you with at least two scars. The traumatizing event is identified as the source of the pain, and first scar dealt with.
Outsiders consider the event over once the first scar is dealt with. The event is definitely painful, yet the other scar needs attention as well.
That second scar is the self-inflicted one. It’s the one that brings self-doubt and fear.
When bad things happen, the survivor scars themselves with statements of inadequacy. An email from a reader captured this in her statement, “It’s so hard to not feel like “you’re not enough, smart enough, pretty enough, etc“.
Those statements of inadequacy are scars needing attention and healing as well. Long after the trauma is over, the scars continue inflicting pain into your life.
It’s not that the trauma is not a big issue, it is. The other scars are the ones you take to bed with you at night.
Since you’re so close to those scars, it takes longer in healing from them. Long after the initial event, the memory of what happened along with what meanings were attached to it continue haunting you.
In the case of affairs, there’s the scar of the affair itself and then there’s the scar of inadequacy that continues haunting you. Like a ghostly bloodhound, it chases after you wherever you go.
In some cases, there are additional body memories as well. With body memories, you have the self-doubts plus inadequacy concerning your body.
Your body often remembers hurts your mind has blocked out. All it takes is a certain touch in those areas and your emotions start flowing like an open flood gate.
Those scars need attention and healing. Just because you don’t see them doesn’t mean they are healed.
This is where videos like “Overcoming Affair Trauma” come in. They help you move past those scars and the impact they have on your life. Those videos and other resources are available to you with a membership in the support community at “Restored Lifestyle”.
Best Regards,
Jeff
