A couple of weeks ago, my oldest son got married. As with many marriages they asked other couples for the best wedding advice they had to offer.
It was such a striking contrast between a young couple asking for counsel compared to the couples seeing me when in crisis. The attitudes between each are like day and night.
One is open to counsel while the others don’t want anybody telling them what to do. One is about learning while the others have forgotten lessons they should have learned.
It was timely that I encountered an article claiming the best marital advice they received was “from a couple going through divorce- Keep servicing your marriage just like you do your vehicles. Don’t wait until it’s breaking down to go in for service!!!,”
I liked what I read. It was simple, practical and useful. I could relate. One of our vehicles is a 21-year old Suburban that we have serviced, serviced and serviced. It keeps on running with regular maintenance.
Affairs are a sure sign the maintenance is needed in some area. I often catch flack for emails along these lines, even though it’s true.
Affairs are someone’s solution to a perceived problem. It’s always a bad solution. Even though it’s a bad solution, it remains their answer to a problem.
This runs contrary to the mindset that the affair IS the problem. The affair alerts you to a problem, but it by itself is NOT the problem.
Affairs are a surface symptom of deeper issues. Finding the deeper issues is part of your affair recovery work.
Assuming the affair is the whole issue will have you fixing the wrong problems.
At the support community in Restored Lifestyle, you can find ways of getting to the root issues, and discussing them with others.
Best Regards,
Jeff
