Have you ever wondered about the cheater and their religious moments related to the affair or swinging?
During the course of an affair, both you and the cheater will go through stages. Although they don’t always follow the same sequence and timing, they follow a similar pattern.
One of the stages that cheaters often go through is that of religious compensation. At this stage, they know that they’ve done something wrong.
In dealing with the wrong, they veer toward religion. The activity may be attending church or church-like activities. At this point, the more ritual and going through the motions the more they like it.
It amounts to doing penance for their wrongs. The more ritual-like, the more they are attracted to it.
By having religious activity and meetings, they have the appearance of doing the right thing, while secretly hiding their desires and habits. They may even continue indulging in porn with the excuse that ‘it’s better than having an affair‘.
By going through the motions, it looks like they’ve turned their life around. Some are sincere and believe they have, even though they secretly long for the affair and the lifestyle that goes with it.
They may even find others who share their attitude and issues. In finding others, they don’t feel so alone or so guilty about what happened.
During this religious stage, justifications are sought related to the affair. Rather than truly changing and turning from what they did, they instead look for excuses and exceptions.
They may even fool you by using religious phrases and terms in discussing the affair. At such times, they’ll come across like an actor reciting their lines rather than heart-felt repentance.
In the case of many swingers, a common ploy is usurping the appearance of religious authority by ‘giving permission’ for them and their spouse to engage in adultery. They like the authority of religion without the conviction.
The giving of permission amounts to manipulating their own conscience in order to avoid any form of conviction for their sleeping around.
I’ve even encountered some cheaters who tell their spouses or lovers that “it’s God’s will” that they be together. At this point, they’ve used religion as part of their seduction.
Before you ask “Who would fall for something like that?” I can assure you that I’ve encountered this scenario more than once.
When religious compensation occurs, the cheater is deep into their descent into darkness. What started with the fantasies and lies has metastasized into a big problem for them and you.
Dealing with these issues are a part of affair recovery seldom discussed, yet vitally important. This is why it’s important that you make sure that the changes in your marriage deal with the root issues and not merely surface ones.
In the Affair Recovery Workshop, you’ll find tools for starting your recovery and moving it forward. Both of you have experienced some deep loses that need help and attention.
Start your affair recovery sooner rather than later.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
