On my way back from Orlando after attending a seminar on dealing with trauma I considered where affairs fit into the subject. I have addressed the traumatic impact of affairs. This time, I looked at it differently.
I considered what is needed for healing from traumas. In considering the prerequisites for healing, the big one is trust.
When there is little to no trust, there’s no room for healing to happen. Environments with little to no trust only deepen the effects of the trauma.
While pondering what’s needed for healing, the question “Is your marriage safe enough to trust?” struck me. It’s a challenging question worth your consideration.
Think about whether your marriage is safe enough to trust. Do you feel safe? Does your spouse feel safe?
If you answered no to either question, then you’re marriage isn’t safe enough for trust to grow. If your marriage isn’t safe consider what’s making it unsafe.
There are many things that make marriages unsafe. Some are obvious, like violence and threats. Others are not so obvious.
There may be things making it unsafe that you either never thought of or considered. Those little things that may have been overlooked are impacting your marriage more than you thought.
There may be triggers in your home that activate bad memories. Triggers come in many shapes and sizes.
It’s also important considering whether your marriage was safe before the affair as well as now.
When it comes to making your marriage safe, the threats could be things from the past or fears about the future.
It could also be a situation where you feel safe, yet your spouse doesn’t. The two of you may have very different definitions of what makes a marriage safe.
When you’re not safe, you’re not open to having conversations that are needed for healing your relationship.
When you need a place where you can start having these kinds of conversations, consider Restored Lifestyle. There you’ll find a support community with others like yourself who are looking for answers and sharing what they’ve learned.
You’ll also find more examples of what makes relationships unsafe along with the strategy for restoring trust.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
