One of the downsides of living in the age of the internet is the desire for instant answers. Although the internet gives you access to mountains of data, it’s still up to you to go through it and make sense of it.
Even with artificial intelligence, you still have to connect the dots and go through the data in order to make sense of it. This is very true in answering a reader’s question of “What’s the connection between abuse and Affairs in men?”
I know from researching affairs that connections between affairs and the murder or attempted murder of a spouse exists.
What’s not known is how strong the connection is. Factors like age and race change the strength of the connection between the two.
With some work going through the data, I started making sense of it.
I can tell you that in the dictionary that abuse comes before affairs. Even prior to actual abuse, there’s typically been an escalation of verbal violence.
I know from some of my work that some of the men having affairs experienced abuse. I also know that some betrayed males have also experienced abuse as well.
Although some relationship exists, the strength of it and which leads to the other isn’t clear with the data available. Affairs continue remaining a sensitive topic that is not talked about openly and frankly.
There’s also the factors of how you define an affair, length of marriage and degree of abuse experienced.
When a man uses an affair as a way of self-medicating his abuse, it’s only a temporary solution. The affair won’t erase the abuse or the effects of abuse.
Whatever relief the affair brings to the abuse, it’s treating the symptom rather than the root problem. Focusing on symptoms keeps you locked into unhealthy coping patterns.
The answer to the abuse is dealing with the trauma reactions behind it. Since traumas have a way of suspending time, both old episodes and new ones need help in resolving those traumas and the scars they leave behind.
One of the ironies surrounding trauma and abuse is that couples often find themselves attracted to others with similar woundings.
A place to start addressing these issues is with my video “Overcoming Affair Trauma”. Although the focus is on affairs, the techniques work with other types of trauma as well.
You don’t have to continue hiding the abuse or its impact on your life. Instead, once you download the video, you can start recovering from what happened. You can start building up resilience and manage your emotional swings rather than them mastering you and tormenting your thinking.
Order your copy today.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
