Yesterday I began addressing the question “Why does an affair take such a toll on people?” Although the answer is obvious to some of you, there are others who don’t see the obvious impact and reasons for it.
Secondly, having an affair makes a mockery of your marriage. Keep in mind that on entering the special relationship of marriage, there are many issues going on.
When you married, you made solemn promises before God, your friends and family. Having an affair is an act of disrespect toward each witness of your wedding. It amounts to making an obscene gesture of defiance to the world.
Whether or not you intended the affair to be such a gesture doesn’t change things. The motives don’t excuse the choices made.
When the cheater shows that kind of defiance, there’s blowback in the form of consequences. Anytime you show ill will toward others, it’s impactful.
Whether or not people are aware of the disrespect you showed them, they still sense changes in attitude. It changes the whole feel and energy associated surrounding your relationship with them.
What was positive and encouraging either turns sour or negative. Although those changes can’t always be seen, they’re certainly felt.
There’s also the defiant mockery of marriage shown by the lover. In maintaining their relationship with the cheater, their actions show a flagrant lack of respect for marriage as well.
They may not be shooting the bird in open defiance. It may instead show up in the form of subtle micro-aggressions. Little things they say and do betray their underlying defiant attitude.
When you send out messages of disrespect and defiance, it invites more disrespect and defiance into your own life. It amounts to putting out a welcome mat for trouble.
Make no mistake the attitude you have on the inside finds ways of expressing themselves. Disrespectful attitudes also have ways of expanding to other areas of your life.
What started as a disrespect of marriage spreads to other areas and other relationships. Disrespect doesn’t stay contained. Disrespect leads to more disrespect.
Rather than allowing disrespect to spread, take action now. Cleaning up the affair involves more than just saying “I’m sorry”. Recovering from it requires you to change the thinking and attitude that came with the affair.
In the video, “Help for the Cheater: Starting the Road to Recovery” , I share with you how and where to start making important changes for your marriage.
Click the link and download your copy today. In minutes you can be starting the journey to recovery.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
