When adulterers are caught, they often deliver a long series of excuses for what was done. The long series of excuses often reflect what they were telling themselves. It is common to hear, “It was only…(fill in the blank)”. They may be justifying that it was only a kiss, only one night only a friend or other only excuses. Although the resolute spouse often sees through these excuses, the adulterer does not always see through them. Many times they have actually began believing their own excuses. Overcoming these lies they tell themselves is often a daunting and frustrating task. The adulterer is trying to excuse the action by citing how what occurred was a small offense or it was a unique event. They are oblivious to the fact that that ‘event’ represents a betrayal of trust. It was a lie, it was an indication that their loyalties lie elsewhere. It was a betrayal. They often do not recognize the betrayal when they are initially confronted with it.
Recognize that when the phrase, “It was only…” is spoken, what follows is an excuse. When you recognize that, you will be able to spot and confront the game playing that often occurs in the aftermath of an affair.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
