Several decades ago, in an effort of stopping the abuse of amphetamines, authorities used advertising in their war against drugs. One of the messages they took to the public was “Speed kills!”
The simple message resonated with the population. It was simple, people understood it and it stuck in their minds. Furthermore, it was catchy. Although the message was catchy, it didn’t stop the drug problem.
Although the ad campaign is long gone, the ‘speed kills’ mantra stayed around. It was used for drugs and for traffic safety both.
If it was up to me, I’d make some adjustments for today’s marriages. My own version would be “Perfectionism kills!”
Perfectionism has ruined many marriages. Those it hasn’t killed, it managed choking the enjoyment out of.
Like a drug problem, many couples got hooked on the idea that they had to be perfect or have the perfect marriage to be loved.
They strive for the perfect marriage, live in a perfect house and try having a perfect family. Anything less than perfection they equate with failure. For them, it’s being perfect or failing with no middle ground.
Real life spouses are a far cry from the ones portrayed in television shows and hallmark romances.
If you’ve fallen prey to it, you thought that perfection would save your marriage or at least reduce the risk of an affair. Perfection doesn’t protect your marriage. If anything, it puts it at higher risk.
When one or both of you hold to the idea of perfection, there is no room for being human. There’s no room for mistakes. There’s no being real. Marriage becomes a performance.
Perfectionism also brings with it extreme thinking. You’re either all perfect or you’re a failure. It’s an all or none deal.
Your marriage focuses on being perfect with each other rather than being real or being loved. This is why perfect marriages are more at risk of affairs than the imperfect ones.
Recovery is another area where perfectionism can ruin things as well. Recovery from an affair has ups and downs. Recovery isn’t a straight smooth road. Here again, “Perfectionism kills!”
If you are wanting recovery from the affair as well as perfectionism, you need the video “Overcoming Affair Relapse”. The video guides you through the triggers, setbacks and challenges you face with affair recovery.
Your recovery isn’t going to be perfect or problem free. There will be problems and slips. How you deal with the setbacks and slips makes a huge difference.
Those setbacks don’t mean that recovery is a failure. It does mean some adjustments are needed or areas need to be talked about. Knowing what to expect helps you handle these challenges.
If you expect a perfect affair recovery, you’re putting your marriage at risk.
Affair recovery is a day by day adventure. Some days go smooth, some are rocky and NONE are perfect. What’s important is that you start recovery rather than waiting on perfection or giving up because you aren’t perfect.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
