A reader posed the question “What about LIKE?” She went on pointing out how she struggles with even liking her husband after what he did with his affairs.
Although trust is the #1 concern expressed by couples, learning ways of liking your spouse again is certainly an important item needing attention. I’ll be doing a series of posts exploring this topic.
Let’s start with removing the roadblocks to liking, then later deal with rekindling that affection. When you don’t like your spouse, it indicates the presence of a relationship roadblock. The roadblocks to liking are usually the same roadblocks that prevent us from developing any loving feelings for our mate.
The main roadblock to liking is resentment. Your resentment may be at them or their actions. This is especially true in situations where the issues continue repeating.
The more resentful people are, the less they like each other. Resentment is a powerful roadblock to friendship and love.
When you become aware of your resentment toward someone it is important to take time to feel your feelings about this person without responding with defense mechanisms .
The word resentment conveys that sense of being provoked by a repeated action. You perceive that “I’ve done this before, and I know how this movie ends.” Resentment is a roadblock to friendship and love.
Unjust resentment causes us to focus on our hurt feelings without focusing on all we may have done to provoke
When the cheater continues repeating their offenses, there’s the angry counter-reaction of resentment. You may have gotten over the first episode, but it keeps on happening repeatedly. In such cases, the reaction is resentment.
The problem is that this kind of anger isn’t temporary. It takes up residence in your heart and head. Resentment is an anger than hangs around for long periods of time.
Resentment is the most common reason that people feel unable to even like their partners, much less love them romantically.
Resentment is also triggered by reminders of the affair offenses. A particular sight, sound, word or smell activates strong reactions. These kind of reactions steal any joy you may have had.
The reactions are so strong, they drain you emotionally. After the resentment reaction, there’s no emotional energy left for anything else. This reaction often leads to
When you feel resentment, it’s important to remember that your feelings about this person are true. There is no right or wrong with how you feel.
The effects on your body are similar to those experiencing trauma. In order to move past the resentments, some of the same techniques needed in moving out of affair trauma are helpful here.
In the video, “Overcoming Affair Trauma“, you’ll be guided through the process of getting unstuck. Getting unstuck extracts you from the pain, it also frees up emotional energy that previously kept you stuck in a negative emotional pattern.
Getting past the trauma and resentment won’t have you liking your spouse again, yet you will have more emotional energy than previously. Removing the roadblock of resentment clears the way for future relationship changes.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
