During these days of political and courtroom theatre, accusations are manufactured for effect. Things are said and accusations made for effect rather than fact finding. One of the masters of this game was President Lyndon B. Johnson.
President Johnson used accusations as a way of keeping his critics and opponents off balance. In his mind, the more outlandish the accusation, the worse it made the victim look as they tried disproving it.
President Johnson made wild accusations and then capitalized on how it put his opponent on the defensive.
Although President Johnson mastered this political trick 60 years ago, it continues being used. The trick is used in businesses and with spouses. Like Johnson’s accusations, the modern versions also involve carnal knowledge.
When your spouse resorts to accusing you of an affair with a close friend where none has occurred, you’re in a no win situation. In all likelihood, your first thought is in denying the accusation.
The more vehemently you deny the accusation, the worse it looks. It also puts you in a position where you defend your relationship with that close friend more than you listen to your spouse, which makes matters worse.
Although you may not have had an affair with your close friend, your spouse sees something. They may also be a member of the “It’s better to be paranoid than a cuckold” school of thought.
Your best move would be in listening to your spouse and discover what they are seeing or feeling. That’s where the problem lies.
Your spouse sees blind spots you don’t see. They see an approaching danger you’re oblivious to. They know something is amiss, yet they aren’t sure what it is.
They see the danger approaching and instead of hearing them out, you’re arguing with them.
You may even assume that your marriage is in good shape. When your spouse accuses you of an affair, even when you haven’t had one, your marriage needs help. Things aren’t going as well as you think they are.
One way of making your marriage stronger is signing up for my “30 Days to a Better Marriage” program. The program guides you through a 30 day series of emails guiding you in making changes to your marriage. By making incremental changes, you alter the direction your marriage is headed.
You also make strides in improving the relationship between the two of you. Click and start improving your marriage rather than defending yourself about non-existent affairs.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
