You can imagine the surprised look on my face when a reader asked “Is my affair a symptom of mental illness?” Typically, the one asking is the betrayed spouse. This question surprised me since it was the cheater asking the question.
The fact that they’re asking the question alerts me to the fact that they aren’t totally okay with their affair. When a cheater searches for answers like that shows me that they’re experiencing doubts concerning themselves and what happened.
The person who is asking this question is clearly struggling with the morality of their actions. They may be feeling guilty and wondering if their affair was a symptom of a larger problem. It’s possible that they are seeking help in order to justify their actions to themselves or others.
If you go to your psychiatrist with this question, it’s likely that you’ll get caught up in names and diagnoses. Technically, in order to diagnose mental illness, they look into things like partner factors, relationship factors, individual vulnerability, cultural or religious issues, and medical factors.
Keep in mind that medications don’t fix relationship problems.
When you have that many factors for consideration, things get complicated and confusing. Frequently you’ll be given a description of your situation. Descriptions often gets confused with an explanation. In putting a name on something, the assumption is that you now know the cause of the problem and likely know the solution.
I’d rather cut through the mumbo-jumbo and have the reader consider the question, “Would a well-adjusted person cheat with someone other than their spouse?”
I can tell you this…It’s not healthy behavior.
Sleeping around is used in avoiding issues and hiding pain. Sex covers a multitude of sins. It also shows up when you lose control of your impulses. Losing control of your impulses means trouble. The loss of control is rarely limited to only sexual areas. Those who lose control in one area often lose control in other areas too.
Another good question to consider is “What are you doing to make your marriage and yourself healthy?” If what you’re doing isn’t improving things, it’s a bad habit.
The good news is that there are ways of repairing the damaging impact of an affair. The affair doesn’t have to be the end of your marriage.
So, when are you ready to start making your marriage better? Is today soon enough?
If so, then click and download the Affair Recovery Workshop, which guides you and your spouse through recovery from what happened. What matters more is how you deal with the affair from here on instead of punishing yourself or your spouse over it.
What are you doing to improve your cheating situation and your own mental health?
Order your copy today.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
