The past two days, I have shared with you the dangers to your life posed by affairs. There is a danger which is not readily seen, yet is often where the most damage is done.
This damage is in the soul, in the spirit, in the inner person where the greatest damage occurs. There’s no medication to cure damage in that area. Sure, you can try ‘spirits’ to pacify that spiritual hole, but it only covers, not heals.
With the affair, there’s a wounding in your soul and spirit. This wounding is deep and it does not go away with enough cold showers, long hot baths or anti-depressants.
Although you don’t see it, you see its effects in close personal interactions. You see it when the cheater distances themselves from you. You feel it when their heart is not with you.
You sense that they’ve changed. They seem to have a whole different feeling that surrounds them.
The cheater may hide the affair, they may lie about the affair, but they can not escape ‘the wounding’. They may never have been caught with the affair, yet the wounding reveals it all.
That wounding damages what sensitivity they had, it rewires their emotions, and changes who they are. The damage can not be undone, although it can be forgiven. You can learn to love them and live with them with their wound.
The cheater hurts, yet is not fully aware of how wounded they have been. They may have denied the wounding themselves, thinking it is ‘only a scratch’ on their soul.
When they deny any wounding or damage, they put off getting any help. In their mind, “You can’t fix what isn’t broke.” Since they have no wound, they don’t need fixing.
You sense the wounding when they don’t. Their denial is often what leads to them lying to themselves and to you. Since they firmly believed they did nothing wrong, they don’t allow themselves acknowledgement of any wounding.
I am reminded of a quote by Sigmund Freud who commented that ‘Men die from the inside out‘. What he did not realize is that the wound is often the start of that process.
Remember, affairs are a matter of life and death. Someone or something is going to die, whether it be physical, emotional or spiritual.
Best Regards,
Jeff
For more help on overcoming these wounds, you will want “Why Wasn’t I Enough?” which covers the most frequently asked questions about affairs.
