One of the sayings my father often used was “You can’t tell the players without a program”. I also heard many of the vendors at sports events making the same statement. It’s just that my dad applied it to many other situations.
After receiving emails regarding my post on ‘creepers’, I thought I would talk to you about them a little more. When you know what you ‘have a program’ that lets you know what you’re dealing with, it helps.
First, most creepers appear innocent. If they revealed their true nature or the depth of their depravity right off the bat, you’d see the threat. Creepers don’t want their victims to see the threat they pose. You may have seen the threat, yet your spouse didn’t until it was too late. They may look like kindly people, but they can be monsters in disguise.
Second, knowing the signs of a creeper is key. A few warning signs can include excessive compliments and attention, asking too many personal questions, and seeming to “hang around” more than necessary after an event or conversation has ended.
Creepers invade spaces. They will try getting into their victim’s personal space directly. When that fails, they find other ways of getting into the personal space of their victim. They use any vulnerability or unmet hidden needs in gaining access. It’s as if they say the secret words and their victim gives them access to areas that should be off-limits.
It is when they are using the ‘other ways’ they often find vulnerable back doors and places where their victim let their guard down, especially when they can arouse the victims’ curiosity in the process. The creeper uses every opportunity to get into personal space, be it physical or emotional. One of their favorite times is when a person is stressed or in crisis. They use the crisis as an opportunity.
They get into the heads, hearts, and emotions of their intended victim. Once in, they don’t just visit, they continue entwining themselves into their victim’s space. The victim may at times seem obsessed with the creeper.
Once the creeper gets into space, they find ways of switching on ‘curiosity’. They know that once the curiosity is switched on, the victim thinks they are just ‘exploring’ something new. There is less resistance to things they should be resisting. The creeper uses the turned-on curiosity in guiding them down into a dark sexual rabbit hole.
Third, creepers are persistent. They don’t give up easily. If you’ve told them ‘no’, they will find a way to hear ‘yes’.
Creepers have one focus and that is to get what they want from their victim. They will use any tactic available to achieve their goal.
Creepers are easier to prevent than to remove. One way of preventing creepers is by knowing your spouse and their needs. Most couples make huge assumptions about each other’s needs without ever sitting down with each other and talking about them. You may be one of those people who has no idea where to begin in knowing what your spouse’s hidden needs are, much less talking about better ways of meeting them.
Rather than wondering if some creeper is going to find hidden needs and secret back doors, you can instead take steps at securing your relationship with your spouse. You need the video ” How To Rekindle Closeness And Bring Back Intimacy In Your Marriage” which addresses those hidden needs and what you can do in meeting them.
You don’t have to leave your spouse vulnerable to creepers. Instead, you can do something about it.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
