Your spouse may have told you that they no longer love you or that they are not happy being married to you. Let us look at the second of those, where they tell you that they are not happy being married to you. They may truly not be ‘happy’. By the very definition of the word, they are looking for ‘happenings’ or ‘events to entertain and stimulate them. In today’s culture, when a person is not entertained with one channel, they learn to just ‘change the channel’ in their search for the next stimulation and happiness. Although they switch the channels, they never look at the root question of “Can television provide me with the happiness I crave?”. Television is designed to entertain and mesmerize. It was never designed to bring happiness. Rather than accept that they are using the television for a purpose that it was never designed for, they continue changing channels in their search for ‘Happy Times’.
When they devote their time to relationships, the same mindset remains of if you can not find happiness on one channel, ‘change the channel’. They never question whether their ‘unhappiness’ is a measure of their investment in the marriage. They never consider that marriage was designed for two people to share their lives together whether the times are happy or not. Instead of dealing with the tough questions, they want to ‘change the channel’, hoping that the next one delivers the goods.
Although it is rarely stated, they jump into affair mode as a way of achieving ‘happiness’. They may find stimulation, entertainment or something that tickles their fancy, but that is still not happiness. Since they have not dealt with the cause of the unhappiness, they will not find it in an affair. The affair will provide plenty of drama and stimulation, but that is NOT happiness. When the affair is used as a way out of ‘unhappy’ situations, it will not deliver the goods. They may obtain temporary satisfaction, but that is not happiness. Affairs were never designed to make you or your spouse happy. Happiness comes as a by-product of love, commitment, devotion, etc. Happiness was never designed to be a primary goal, even though cheaters use it as one. The affair and its consequences will not make you happy. If anything, it will leave you unhappy. It will leave you having to face reality. Sure, you may run from it for a while, but eventually it will catch up.
If you are seeking happiness, and think an affair is the answer, you are asking the wrong question and seeking the wrong goal.
For more on dealing with affairs, consider purchasing a copy of my e-book on surviving your partners affair.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
