Many of you would love it if the cheater showed any remorse or guilt in response to what they have done. You may wonder if there are any guilt genes in their makeup at all and ask yourself “How could they do this?” Although you may have struggled with such issues, there are times that you may question guilt. When the cheater returns to you, do you want them to do so out of love or out of guilt. After all the hours you spent trying to induce that guilt, at this point, you may not want the guilt to be motivating their actions.
Guilt is not easy to turn off once it is turned on. It could be that your spouse was listening to you when you did your best to induce guilt. In such cases, you may be struggling with your own success. If you had allowed their own conscience to kick in rather than you trying to jump start it, it is likely that this would not be an issue.
So, is guilt a bad thing when it comes to affairs? My thoughts are no, it is not a bad thing. Guilt often forces a person to rethink their actions. Although no one wants to think that they are in a relationship based on guilt, that does happen. When it comes to exercising self-restraint, it would be nice if love is the force that restrained people and made them rethink their choices. For some potential cheaters, love is a restraining force. Ideally you want love to be the restraining force. When love is not, you may have to settle for guilt. If you want love instead, you will need to approach the cheater differently. You will want to appeal to their love.
When it comes to guilt, you do not want to artificially induce it, you also do not want to take it away before it has done its job. Removing guilt too soon often has disastrous consequences as well
For more on surviving your partners affair, consider my e-book on the subject.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
