A family therapist once commented the ‘couples bring problems (to therapy sessions) as a defense against intimacy’. When I heard his observation back in 2006, I was taken aback. I started observing the couples who came to me and see for myself if this observation was true. After several years and many couples latter, I saw the truth of his comment over and over. Typically the couples present their ‘problem’ as communication issues. It is more convenient to identify it as communication rather than ‘avoiding intimacy’. To admit that you are avoiding intimacy with your spouse or that you avoid their intimacy is often either something that they are unaware that they are doing or it is too embarrassing to admit. The communication problems are often their solution or method of avoiding intimacy.
Besides being a major cause of ‘communication’ problems, the avoidance of intimacy is also a factor with affairs. It is easier to have an affair than to admit and openly discuss the issues concerning intimacy. When affairs are re-interpreted as a way of avoiding intimacy between spouses, the real underlying issues that the couple are struggling with come to light.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
