I am amazed at words people use in describing their situations. One of the terms used in association with affairs is ‘hooking up’.
This word carries with it associations of attachment and connecting. In many affairs, people are looking for people they can ‘attach’ to. The similarity between ‘hooking up’ and hookers is not coincidental.
When a cheater is ‘on the prowl’, they are seeking out someone who they can attach to. When they find that person, the relationship often begins with eye contact.
Once eye contact is established, events begin unfolding. In the cases, where there is any sense of rapport, the two people feel drawn to each other. In the event that the new contact is similar to someone in their past, the rapport intensifies.
At some level there are similar issues. The longer the two people tune into each other, the greater the attraction. With heightened attraction, they begin forming an attachment.
Even before physical contact occurs, their brains begin rewiring and tuning into each other. New neural networks form as they shift and intensify their focus on each other. The two of them ‘tune into’ each other and go through changes even before touching.
The attachment begins with small talk, drinks, discussing movies, Bible study, or some other activity. With the forming of attachment, there is greater emotional involvement.
As those attachments strengthen and expand to other areas, they soon find themselves immersed in an affair. They managed to “hook up” with someone. Even the variation of ‘hooking up” carry themes of attachment.
By the time things become physical, they have not only created a new network, they supercharged it. The new network is now both mental and physical.
The shared experience they go through gives them common bonding.
In dealing with affairs, it’s necessary for those bonds to be addressed. The recovery requires them changing.
This is why in the Affair Recovery Workshop, I include material on dealing with those bonds and changing them.
Best Regards,
Jeff
