Dealing with Obsessions about the Affair

One of the scars of having survived the affair is that you become obsessed with the affair. Not long after, you feel that every single woman that your husband talks to is a potential mistress (If you are the husband, you assume each man is a potential paramour).

Your view of the world changes. When your spouses watches movies, you  wonder which person she is turned on’ by.

Each time you ask such questions concerning others, a second question is there as well. That second question is “do I turn her on?” The vulnerability to such questions has been a boon to those selling Viagra and Cialis since they exploit such questions and fears of inadequacy.

 Even without evidence, you feel that your partner is cheating on you. In the first few months after the affair, this is understandable.

Obsessions become a mental prison. There are also reasons for the obsessions. Occasional obsessions are one thing, yet persistent obsessions are problematic.

However, when this goes on a year after the affair, you better check yourself. If your fears and fantasies have continued that long, you have crossed over the line to obsession.

Rather than obsess, you’ll need to work towards renewing your relationship with your partner. When you are already in control of your emotions, you should talk with each other and explore your unmet needs.

When you do this, you become aware of unmet expectations and needs and you can start doing something about them.

Start doing things together. Such activities may be as simple as shopping, buying things together, and planning things for the kids.

In this way, you can become less independent from each other and more dependent. When you start depending on each other, you then start drawing upon the strength of each other. You will then start connecting emotionally again. This way, your love for each other will grow again.  

Perhaps you could learn a few things by joining the support community at Restored Lifestyle.

Best Regards,

Jeff