Much like pigs wallow in mud, there are some people who wallow in the pain and/or self-pity in the aftermath of an affair. There are many reasons they have for wallowing. Many are not hurting bad enough to take action on their situation. Some have life time habits of learned helplessness, some want the secondary gain associated with being a ‘victim’. For whatever reason, they choose to stay in the sty and wallow.
Leaving the pigsty of pain and self-pity requires courage. It requires a willingness to take risk. Leaving the sty often means leaving the known pain for unknown challenges. With the unknown also comes the risk of more pain, but also the risk or getting out of the pain, of taking care of yourself, of nurturing yourself.
If you have the courage to stop the wallowing, consider the following questions:
1. What am I telling myself that keeps me wallowing in the pain?
2. What will I have to give up to leave the pain?
3. What will I gain from leaving the pain behind?
4. How much more pain do you want to endure before you leave?
5. Am I worth the effort of getting out of the pain?
6. Are they worth the effort of staying in pain?
7. Who benefits from me staying in pain and self-pity?
8. What is my pain telling me that I am not listening to?
These questions will help you during this transition. Recall that even Pharaoh wanted to spend another night with the frogs, even after Moses offered to remove them immediately. The story is a metaphor for many people who want to spend “another night” wallowing in their pain.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
(PS-If you are serious about getting out of the pain, buy the Affair Recovery System now for tools to help you.)
