One of the important lessons I’ve learned in working with affairs is the importance of looking at what people do rather than listening to what they say.
When you start looking at what they’re showing you rather than what they’re telling you it changes you. It shifts your perspective.
At that point, you see the ‘real’ situation. Cheaters know the power of well crafted words. First they start by fooling themselves with smooth sounding words, then they use them on you. So, if you want to really see what’s going on in their head and heart look at their actions.
When people really do change it shows up in their behavior. What they say isn’t so important anymore.
Rather than fall for their words again, take a hard look at what’s actually going on. What’s the evidence there in front of you?
You might be surprised to find it’s a lot more clear. The fog in your head may lift and what you see may surprise you.”
The best illustration of this was when a roommate of mine was caught cheating by the girl he was dating. He knew he was caught.
She caught him, there in the apartment where he and I lived at the time. When the woman angrily confronted him on his cheating, he turned to her and said “Tell me what you want to hear and I’ll say it!”
On hearing the drama unfold from my adjacent bedroom, I said to myself “Don’t fall for it, don’t fall for it.” To my surprise, she fell for it. She told him what she wanted to hear. He said what she wanted and they continued their relationship.
Later that evening, he bragged to his friends about how he handled her and his being caught cheating. This wasn’t his first time, nor was it his last. He took pride in how she fell for what he said.
His statement and her reaction have stayed with me for decades. It showed me that some of you want to hear smooth talk when it comes to affairs. What’s worse is you want to believe what you’re being told, even when your eyes tell you something else.
If you want to believe what you’re being told, even when the evidence tells you something different, this is not the place for you. If, on the other hand, you want the truth rather than smooth words, you’re in the right place.
When dealing with an affair, you’re dealing with deception, lies, smoke and mirrors. Things are said to distract and soothe you. This is why you have to look at what they are doing. If they’re serious about things, you’ll see the evidence.
I also know that it takes time knowing what to look for. It takes time to accept the truth after you encounter it. Part of you doesn’t want to see it or admit it.
If you’re struggling with accepting the truth, consider downloading my video “Handling the Affair Crisis”. It guides you through the challenge of continuing on with life when you encounter the unpleasant truth of an affair.
With help, you can make it through the affair.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
