In getting through crises, it always helps to hear an encouraging “you can make it through this” from someone who’s been there. When I’ve been in the middle of such struggles, I ask myself things like “Will I ever make it through this?“ “Will this crisis go on forever?” “Will it ever end?”
In one of the darker times of my life when I felt like I was sinking deeper into the pit faster than I was getting out, hearing some realistic words of encouragement meant a lot to me. At that moment, my wife and I were being sued for over a million dollars based on a series of lies. We were finishing up a meeting with our lawyer, who just relayed the bad news to us along with the latest legal twists and turns in our legal case. Lawyers have a knack for conveying bad news. We felt dejected and defeated.
As we were getting things together to leave, he turned to me and said “Oh,.. you’ll make it through this”. Although his enthusiasm was only half-hearted, I found hearing them from someone who was experienced in these matters hopeful. I hated his tone of voice, yet knew that he was being realistic.
He also warned me that there would be scars from getting through it along with some financial repercussions. He laid on the line about how it would take several years to bounce back, yet it would happen. I didn’t like hearing what he said on many levels. It got to the point I dreaded even going to his office for the latest news, even though I knew it was necessary. Now, years later I can say that he was right. I made it through the struggle, and it took eight years to do so.
You are facing some dark times in dealing with the affair. I assure you that you will make it past the affair. Like my lawyer, I also assure you that the affair will change your life and that it will take years to get back to ‘normal’ life.
You may want the cheerleader encouragement provided in weekend affair recovery groups or the upbeat enthusiasm of relationship gurus with their “You can do miracles!” or telling you how special you are. Who wouldn’t? You want the feel-good answers. I recall wanting those as well. Who wouldn’t want feel-good answers to all their problems?
Although I wanted the feel-good stuff during the dark times, I knew I needed real answers and solutions. Cheerleader enthusiasm fades when your team starts losing, and the miracles don’t work every time. However, I knew that if I wanted to get through it, I needed the hard truth and practical advice.
That’s not to say that encouragement from others isn’t helpful. Having a support system during tough times can make all the difference. But what truly helped me get through my crisis was facing reality head-on and taking practical steps toward a solution.
When you’re going through dark times, you need proven answers rather than the rose-colored glasses cheerleader enthusiasm. I know from playing football, when my team was behind, that real answers were needed. At those times you need better plays and better execution, NOT better cheers.
You need real change in your marriage relationship. The Affair Recovery Workshop is what you need to get through the challenges the affair brought into your life. The workshop provides real answers and real solutions in dealing with affairs, including what needs to be talked about, ways of starting ‘the talk’, confronting without fighting, overcoming a family history of affairs, handling forgiveness, and taking care of yourself when the going gets tough.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
