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One of the questions that arises in dealing with affairs is that of denial. I have written about whether one is dealing with denial or lying on my hub page. The aspect of denial that I will address today is how strong can denial be? There are many levels of denial. At it’s strongest, denial can distort reality. Since the person is not aware they are distorting matters, they do not consider it lying. Since affairs often involve behavior that is unacceptable to the adulterer, there may be a total denial of what occurred. In such cases, they will need to be confronted with hard evidence of their actions. Although long term psychotherapy can break through some some denial, the time required is often more that is available.

When you are dealing with denial, the adulterer may even see the hard evidence and claim that it is someone else. Since they sincerely believe that it was not them, they will be convincing. It is possible that the recent Roger Clemens story is a case of denial as well.

There are also cases where there is a partial denial. This occurs where the adulterer does not recall portions of what they did. It is as if there are portions of their memory wiped clean rather than recollection of the whole matter. There may be denial concerning the facts, their emotions or their thinking. Since many adulterers often go into a trance-like state during the affair, they often do not recall the full details of what they did and said. It may be years before they recall fully what they were a part of.

There are often tell tale signs of lying. These can include poor eye contact, avoidance of the issues, scratching or rubbing the nose. It is my assumption that you know your spouse well enough to know their unique tell tale signals. If you do not know when they are lying, then that is an area needing improvement.
To sum it up, denial can be so strong it denies reality. It can be full or partial. Denial and lying are two distinctly different things that each require a different way of dealing with them.

Best Regards,

J Murrah

affairs, cheating, denial, infidelity, lying, philandering, relationship, Understanding Affairs

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