The time of year associated with Halloween is connected with threats and tricks. The public often visit haunted houses and events that produce sensations of fear or surprise. There are times that those frightened scream and run off. Fear, fright, and surprise are part of the package that goes with Halloween. Sadly, there are some couples and families who live those experiences day in and day out. Threats and fear are used to ‘keep people in line’ and maintain order in the family. In such families, love is a frightening thing. To trust is to make oneself vulnerable to guaranteed hurts or exploitation.
In such families, the fear often produces effects beyond what was expected. Rather than scaring the person into staying ‘in relationship’, it can have the opposite effect. The fear can drive them to seek comfort and love in the arms of another. In such families, the threat of divorce or physical hurt are common. After a while the threats loose their effectiveness. The terrorist then resorts to threatening them with community embarrassment or eternal damnation if they do not submit to their fearful ways. When fear dominates the relationship, there is often no room for love. What love survives, is often choked out by the repeated tantrums and threats. Each threat or scream crushes the love in the relationship a little bit more, until one day, there is nothing left. These relationships I call “Halloween Love”, since fear has been substituted for love and terror substituted for affection.
This Halloween shouldn’t you re-evaluate your relationship and remove any Halloween Love?
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
