The television celebrity Joy Reid recently found herself surrounded in controversy about comments she made in the past. The episode made headlines in many communities.
Her experience brought some items to the forefront an item needing attention. One publication stated it this way:
“…if she did, and she acknowledged and apologized for it, that should not be held against her.”
The item needing attention for me is that of accountability and holding what is said against her. I see this as important since with affairs, bad choices are made.
Long after those choices are acknowledged and apologized for there remains the concern of whether the affair should still be brought up. The cheater may view it as holding it against them.
For the betrayed, limiting your ability to bring up the affair amounts to silencing you and sentencing you to suffer in silence.
So where is the elusive “happy medium?” The only happy medium I know of are the new age gurus who enjoy vacationing in Bali.
The happy medium when it comes to discussing the affair amounts to discussing it without blaming and shaming. The affair needs to be talked about, even after the apologies.
The cheater needs accountability concerning their choices and the impact it has. Just because the affair is over, and forgiveness given, doesn’t mean it can’t be talked about.
What’s not needed are the personal attacks along with the blaming and shaming driven by the betrayed. There are ways of discussing sensitive issues in meaningful way without the attacks.
It takes practice in order to reach that point. Practice in how you express yourself, knowing what to address along with the listener learning how to hear without defensiveness.
These are skills that are learnable. They aren’t magic, but they do require commitment and practice.
In the support community at Restored Lifestyle, you can practice your confrontations with others. You can also discuss how to hear others out without taking offense. Having such a place can help you move past some major roadblocks.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
