Cheaters believe that they are ‘special’ and that the rules don’t apply to them. You can almost hear “Hey, I managed having an affair that took a while for you to discover!”
By hiding things, they believe that they are ‘smart’. In making such an assumption they’re confusing intelligence with trust.
You trusted them, you trusted the promises they made you. What’s actually saying a great deal about how much you trusted them is misread by the cheater into thinking that they are “smart” or “clever’.
In the twisted mind of the cheater, they are misreading misread people and motivations. The longer they have been cheating, the more twisted their thinking becomes.
The hard question to solve then becomes “Is their twisted thinking is an acute or chronic concern?”
Confusing trust with their own clever thinking is typical of the Me, Me, Me thinking that takes place in the cheater. Since they are focused on their needs, they assume that by having the affair without being confronted, they must be doing something that keeps their ‘party’ going on.
They assume others don’t know or that they’ve hid it from everyone. It could be that neighbors and co-workers are hoping that the affair is temporary or that it is not their concern.
Once again, they assume that the lack of being confronted means they’re ‘clever’. They forget that the affair is a perversion of their sexual drives.
I know that they don’t want to think of themselves as ‘perverts’, even though they have twisted and transformed their sexual attraction to someone other than to you. In its’ simplest form, that’s perversion and twisted thinking.
They promised their loyalty and fidelity to you. Now that has been attached to someone else. They’ve formed sexual bonds outside of your marriage.
Of course, to a twisted mind, they rationalize what they do, and want you along with the kids to accept it, rather than call it for what it is, or express disapproval of the affair.
In the video ‘How Can I Trust You Again?‘, you’ll gain a clearer understanding of trust. You’ll know what are its ingredients and ways of restoring them. The clearer you understand trust, the less likely you’ll be distracted by the cheater trying to be ‘smart’.
When you live for years with bad ideas of trust, you can be lead astray. You’re vulnerable to the manipulations of the cheater. Knowing what true trust is reduces your vulnerability.
Best Regards,
Jeff
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