It was that last phrase that puzzled Michael. He thought, What does “It didn’t mean anything!” mean? He was not sure what to make of her statement. Was Gina trying to convince herself that what she had done had no meaning to her? Was she trying to minimize what had happened? It didn’t make Michael feel any better. If anything, he found himself confused.
Michael knew that Gina always had reasons for everything she did. She was not a crazy person that did something for no reason. For her to say, “It didn’t mean anything!” did not make sense to him. He found himself tormented by a flurry of questions.
It made him wonder if she attached meaning to any of her sexual life. Did Gina tell her lover that he didn’t mean anything to her? How can something so personal and so special not mean anything? If sex means something, then it is special. If it doesn’t mean anything, then it becomes commonplace, routine and meaningless. If sex had become meaningless, what did her affair mean? Did this mean she was becoming a slut? Had she gotten to the point where feelings were turned on and off like light switches? If she could turn off her feelings toward her lover, how long would it be before she turned off her feelings for him?
The more he considered what she had said, the more it bothered him. A meaningless affair posed greater problems than a meaningful affair. Gina may have said what she did to make him feel better, but now it was tormenting him.
To Michael, her statement had turned into a huge paradox. If the affair had no meaning, Gina was losing her self-control over her sexuality and her emotions. If she had lied, then he had the whole issue of lying to deal with. He thought that, had she said that it was all about lust and sex, with no emotional commitment, he could have handled it better than…“It didn’t mean anything!”
Michael came to the conclusion that all actions have meanings. All relationships have meaning. Some mean more than others. The statement that this action or relationship had no meaning was a crazy-making grenade that had been thrown into his life.
Rather than torment yourself like Michael, get the help you need to cut through all the affair games. You can start with the Affair Recovery Workshop. An affair does not have to mean the end of your marriage.
Nothing in this Work is intended to replace common sense, legal, medical or other professional advice. If your situation warrants it, please seek competent professional counsel.