What is the difference between affair crisis and affair trauma?

The other day, my wife asked me “What’s the difference between an affair crisis and an affair trauma?” I looked up from what I was doing and answered her. I explained how they were similar and the differences between them. She said “That makes sense”, yet her question left me wondering if other people are wondering what the differences are between an affair crisis and affair trauma as well.

The quick and easy explanation offered in the wiki world between a crisis and a trauma is that a crisis refers to situation where you are at a decision point and a trauma is when there has been physical damage to your body. Although that is how some people are satisfied with such an explanation, it does not do them justice. In my mind there is more to a crisis than just making a decision.

Part of what I told my wife is that, stress, crisis and trauma are all on a continuum.

Stress–> Crisis –> Trauma

When it comes to affairs, it is likely that you have experienced one, if not all of them. You are in a crisis when there is a sense of sudden shock. That sense of being overwhelmed at some sudden news, like… an affair disclosure.

At the sudden and shocking disclosure of an affair, your thinking becomes fragmented and your loose your emotional coordination. It is like a sudden jolt that knocks you senseless. Although you went through that jolt, with some help you can return back to ‘normal’ or baseline functioning. The upcoming webinar on “Getting You Past the Affair Crisis” goes into greater detail on ways of returning to your ‘normal’ or baseline functioning.

An affair trauma, in my mind is when you’ve been in ‘crisis mode’ for so long, you become stuck or there has been some long-term symptoms. Typically when you’re in ‘affair trauma’, your ability to return to ‘normal’ has been compromised.

In “Affair Trauma’, your ability to bounce back and recover is not there, unlike the crisis where you can bounce back. That is why those in ‘trauma’ mode need special help, which I addressed in the Affair Trauma Webinar.

Although there are similarities between an affair crisis and affair trauma, since they are on a continuum, there are some real differences. You can come out of the elevated state of alarm that comes with an affair crisis. You still have coping resources, yet it takes effort or requires help to access and use them.

With an affair trauma, your emotional coping abilities have been drained. You’re unable to move out of the elevated alarm state even though you want to. You’re on “full alert”  or ‘on guard’ and it does not go away. Your brain and body have been in that ‘on guard’ for so long, it has changed your chemistry.  There are measurable changes in the neurotramsitters and associated chemicals in your brain and body.  With Affair Trauma, how you process information has been permanently changed.

It is no longer a matter of just thinking positive thoughts or sending positive energy or giving it enough time to recover. There has been serious damage needing serious help in order to recover.

Typically by the time you are in an Affair Trauma state, your coping skills and abilities have been damaged. Your internal wiring has been altered to where you do not think or react like you did before. Even when you’re finally able to return to baseline functioning, those permanent changes that occurred remain, like scars recalling past events.

This chart will help explain the differences between Affair Crisis and Affair Trauma:

Best Regards,

Jeff