Once you see “What’s behind the curtain” or what is behind the scenes, you view things differently. When I started out as a therapist, I often talked with the older, more experienced therapists about counseling and relationships. Those talks were my ‘behind the curtain’ experiences.
Those talks provided new ways of seeing relationships and ways of dealing with the problems that couples find themselves facing. I often wish that I’d have written down all those tidbits in notebook. Many times, the only notebook I had with me was the one in my mind.
I recall sitting in Tommy’s dimly lit office discussing marriages and the secrets couples keep. He managed carving out a few minutes to talk with me and deal with my eager questions. I was eager to know the ways he dealt with the many things couples keep from each other. I shared my concerns with him.
After a brief pause, he turned his chair toward me and said, “There are no real secrets in a marriage, only a deliberate failure to verbalize what each partner senses.”
His statement floored me. Previously, I thought they kept secrets. At that moment, it hit me that it’s not secrets, instead, the problems were about what they don’t put into words.
His statement left my head spinning. Any marriage therapy session I entered, I began wondering what each spouse is not telling the other and what they were not picking up on. It changed the way I looked at couples.
It took me several weeks to wrap my head around what he told me. I learned that when you look behind the curtain, it changes you. Like the red pill of the Matrix, it changes how you think and interact with others.
There may be things in your marriage that you and your spouse have not verbalized. They may be things that you have not found a way to put into words. What the two of you are not saying to each other is hurting your marriage more than you thought.
You may have gone to the therapist office in reaction to the many fights the two of you had. You thought the fights were about ‘secrets’, when in reality it was about what the two of you were too scared to say to each other.
You and your spouse may have been fighting over what each of you sensed but didn’t talk about. This happens more than what either of you knew or suspected. If you want help addressing what’s often not discussed, get the video, “How To Rekindle Closeness And Bring Back Intimacy In Your Marriage“. The video points out the areas where the two of you need to be talking, rather than sensing and holding back.
The video reveals those areas intimacy is made of and ways of opening up conversations in areas that make a difference. Rather than just sense that something isn’t right, you’ll know what isn’t right along with what to do about it.
Best Regards,
Jeff
