How do you know when a cheater is truly sorry?
When an affair comes to light, the focus is usually on repairing the broken relationship. This requires sincere apologies for the awful thing that they’ve done. But what does this mean? Does it require more than words in some cases? Many betrayed spouses say they need time to heal and may struggle with knowing how to handle apologies for the affair.
Apologizing for what they did and what they hid is a start. But if they are truly sorry, you may want to see proof of change rather than just talk about change.
If you’re wondering whether an apology is enough- one thing that many people agree on is that there’s more to be done than just apologizing. When someone has an affair and then comes back and says “I’m so sorry” without showing remorse or a sincere evidence that they are serious about making changes, it’s hard to believe them.
It’s even worse if they have apologized for the same thing previously. If you find yourself asking if an apology is enough, what you want to see is evidence that there has been real change. You need them to acknowledge that what they did was wrong and that they hid it from you.
If your cheater says “I’m sorry” but doesn’t admit their behavior was wrong or take full responsibility for hiding what they did, all you are getting is talk. Talk is cheap when it comes to reconciliation. They need to really mean it when they apologize if you are going to believe that they truly want to change.
The damage to trust leaves a long scar.
Apologies are good. Honesty is good, yet another question rattled around my head. That question was “Is an apology enough?”
When a cheater apologizes, it represents a start. It’s emotional, but is it enough?
My thought is that an apology isn’t enough in dealing with an affair. Apologies don’t go far enough in bringing healing to your marriage when it’s been damaged by an affair.
Apologies give you the appearance of honesty and accountability. Where they fall short is that they don’t validate your hurt, they don’t repair the damage, they don’t acknowledge the wrongness of what they did.
Apologies make great window dressing, but the kind of substance you need for real healing. Some of those making apologies sincerely believe they are making a huge step.
They may not know what to do beyond apologies. They don’t know what comes next after the apology.
Accepting the apology will reduce some of the pain, but reducing the pain doesn’t mean that healing is going on. Reducing the pain prematurely leads to irregular healing.
If you aren’t sure what to do with the apologies or want to have greater healing, the video “Forgiveness: Stop the Pain, Tear down the walls and remove the roadblocks” gives you answers and direction on what to do next.
In the video, you’ll learn what makes for genuine repentance versus a showy apology. If the pastor had followed this pattern, I would feel more hopeful about his situation and marriage.
Click and download your copy today. Within a few minutes you can start your healing.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
