Years ago, my friend Paul accidentally shot himself in the foot. Being an enthusiastic young police officer, he was practicing his quick draw skills and things went awry. He was more embarrassed than anything else. It’s humiliating when you shoot yourself under such circumstances. It’s even worse when you’re a police officer.
Over the years, I’ve learned that such accidents happen more frequently than I ever imagined. They happen with police officers and at quick draw events. In fact, no live ammo is allowed at quick draw competitions and there are groups working to outlaw the SERPA holsters which are known for being associated with such self-shooting accidents.
Anyway you look at foot-shooting incidents, they’re self-defeating. They’re also embarrassing. Even when you don’t shoot yourself, and manage missing, your pride and ego are damaged. There’s also a reluctance in admitting that you did such a thing. For years that shooting incident was a sensitive issue with Paul.
When it comes to affairs, you may have been one of those who shot yourself in the foot with self-defeating actions. In your reckless enthusiasm for ‘doing something’, you ended up hurting yourself. You may have even made the situation worse than it would’ve been.
Self-defeating behavior is often one of the roadblocks keeping your marriage from working. There are many ways of defeating yourself. From the harmful things you say to the obsessive things that you do. Driving by the lover’s house and vandalizing your spouse’s property are only small samples of what you may have done.
Although such actions and words interfere with recovery, the bigger obstacles are ‘self-defeating thoughts’. Every smart ass comment or obsessive behavior started as a self-defeating thought. Your own mind told you things that were driven more by fear and anger than love. You were told things about yourself, your appearance and your marriage.
Those thoughts are an enemy you need to subdue and bring under control if you want any chance of recovery. That’s where my ebook, “Why Wasn’t I Enough?” comes in. It addresses those self-defeating thoughts. It shows you what they are and what you can do about them along with the danger they pose to recovery.
Best Regards,
Jeff
