One of the struggles during the teenage years is that of blemishes. It’s not just having the blemish, there is also how you hope others don’t see it.
Those struggles are real. I recall feeling like everyone saw my blemishes and talked about them behind my back.
Adults used to tell me that “It’s just a phase” and treat them like it’s no big deal. To me, blemishes were a big deal. Besides being unsightly, they left emotional scars and took their toll on my confidence.
I never liked them. I was told to ‘be thankful for everything’. Blemishes are one thing that it was hard to be thankful for.
The other day, I discovered that ‘blame’ comes from the same root word as ‘blemish’. That common root explains how blame triggers some similar reactions as blemishes, especially with affairs.
You hope that others don’t see your flaws. You also wonder how you’re going to regain confidence after it happens. Even when you’re the betrayed, there’s a sense that somehow you’re flawed.
Once again, there are ‘adults’ around you telling you ‘it’s just a phase’ and act like the affair is ‘no big deal’. It didn’t help much then and helps about the same amount now.
One weird truth about people I’ve discovered is that many of them don’t know what to say. It’s easier for them to treat it like it’s no big deal or treat it like a phase, since they don’t know what to say or do. It’s not that they aren’t supportive, they don’t know how to deal with the situation.
Whether it’s blemishes or blame for the affair, you are still left feeling very alone. That alone feeling has a way of making other sensations more intense as well. You are left alone with a heap of pain and no clear way of dealing with it.
Whether or not you did anything causative, you still feel the discomfort. At times you tell yourself “This sucks”. Truth be told, it does. Those emotions suck your confidence and strength. Outsiders may not see the blemish of the affair, but you do, and you know how much it hurts.
What I can do is give you ways of turning the situation around. The direct connect method and unique process used in my ‘Affair Recovery Workshop’ helps you move past the struggle you’re in.
You can know what to talk about, how to bring it up, ways of getting your spouse to open up along with steps that rebuild the intimacy that’s been lost.
Imagine having confidence once again rather than being in a self-imposed exile due to the affair. There are things you can start doing that bring healing to your relationship. You can start making those changes within a matter of minutes or let the blemish of the affair keep you shut down.
Best Regards,
Jeff
