In searching for the most difficult topics for couples to discuss, I came across many answers. The topics of sex, children and money were noted.
Honorable mention was also given to politics and religion. Some brave souls went so far as bringing up your past, past relationships, death and a few others, including relationships themselves.
The complete list of difficult topics is likely larger than this. In considering the list of difficult topics I pondered what it is that makes them difficult to discuss.
I dismissed answers like limited knowledge or limited vocabulary. Those may limit how much you talk about them, but it doesn’t explain what makes them difficult.
The simplest answer for me is fear. Many of these topics touch on personal fears at some level. When you bring them up, there are concerns about personal inadequacy and embarrassment, which are variations of fear.
So if fear is what makes some topics difficult to discuss, I next considered ways of moving past that. How can you move past fear?
Determination is a way of getting past fear. The problem is that it doesn’t last as long as other solutions.
Although love is a good answer, it is one aspect of love that I think holds the key. That aspect is trust. When you trust your spouse and know they have your best interest in mind, it makes any conversation easier and safer.
When your marriage has a solid foundation of trust, then you can bring up any topic without fears of being abandoned, rejected or ridiculed. You know that in bringing it up, your spouse won’t leave you, rage or walk out.
If, on the other hand, your marriage has a long list of off limit topics or threats when some subjects are brought up, it turns scary. Living in fear that something will be said or brought up makes you anxious.
Humor only sugar coats the misery of unhealthy trust. When there is no trust, your home becomes more prison than castle.
If your marriage doesn’t have healthy amounts of trust, it becomes something to endure rather than enjoy. The good news is that you can do something about damaged trust.
Order the video “How can I Trust You Again“. In it, you’ll gain a better awareness of what it takes to have healthy trust along with knowing what areas you can improve that lead to healthy trust.
You don’t have to live with the dread of those off limit topics coming up when your marriage has healthy trust.
Best Regards,
Jeff
