One of the memorable one-liners delivered by President Ronald Reagan was, “The nine most terrifying words in the English language are: I’m from the government, and I’m here to help.”
At the time he spoke it, some were shocked, others laughed, and some even gnashed their teeth. There’s something powerful about choosing the right words in expressing ideas.
At the time, he referred to the relationship of the public with the government. People have a relationship with government that requires trust. Although Reagan didn’t mention trust specifically, trust is what his statement was about.
Now, decades later, I see a deeper truth in his quote that I initially missed. Although Reagan’s focus was on the government, another meaning struck me.
The meaning I’m referring to is that ‘relationship trust’ is scary. Family therapist Robert Ackerman expressed it better, “The Scariest of all trusts is relationship trust.”
You know the terrifying reality of that in your marriage. After an affair, trusting the cheater is scary.
With scary movies, you know that the scary parts will come to an end. With an affair, you live in the uncertainty of ‘Will it ever end?’
You’re no longer sure of what happens and whether or not you can believe what they tell you. Each day is a gamble. You wonder if they’re going to do it again.
You seldom feel at ease. That constant tickle in your mind keeps you wondering about what may happen.
When the cheater says, “Trust Me!” it should send up a giant red warning flag announcing an upcoming danger.
When you are facing the uncertainty and scary prospect of trusting again, do you know where to begin? Do you know the difference between blind trust and dependable trust?
Do you know what signs to look for, indicating they can be believed?
You can have confidence that what you and your spouse are doing is making your relationship stronger. You can know whether you have a solid foundation of trust or are just ‘blindly trusting in trust.’
Move past the uncertainties and know the signs of when it’s safe to trust the cheater again. (trust)
Best Regards,
Jeff
