“How can I forgive my partner?” is a question that is often asked. This question often arises during the times of emotional pain and self-pity. On the surface, it looks like an honest question.
A deeper look at it reveals something more. In asking such a question, the person posing the question has already assumed a position of moral superiority. It is almost as if they have assumed the moral high ground.
Consider the question “How can I not forgive my partner?”. That question looks the issue from a different angle. This new angle recognizes that as humans we all have faults.
It carries the supposition that it is best for you to forgive them. The other question, carries an implies supposition that there is an option to not forgive.
If you hope to restore the relationship, forgiveness is necessary. In terms of how many times to forgive, the Bible has addressed that answer already. If you think that they are insincere or unrepentant, it becomes a judgment call, since you do not know what they are honestly feeling inside.
I do have to add that forgiveness is NOT a pardon. Forgiveness does not mean that you approve of what happened. Forgiveness does not automatically mean that the spirit of the relationship is restored.
It will take time and effort to restore the relationship. Forgiveness is also not a get out of jail free card either. It does not mean that your partner immediately has access to you.
Maintaining a grudge is an emotional drain that you cannot afford to continue. It takes energy and effort to nourish a grudge. The price tag of keeping a grudge is not worth ruining your peace of mind and health.
If you find yourself torturing yourself with the question about forgiveness, remember to look at the question from both sides, to see the whole issue. If you ask “How can I forgive…”, make sure you address “How can you NOT forgive….”
Best Regards,
Jeff
