Scars serve as reminders of what happened to us. Many times our bodies have scars that are reminders of accidents or poor decisions. Although the episodes happened long before, the scar is a reminder that it happened. In a similar manner, the emotional scars of affairs often linger for years afterwards. They remind us what happened, long after the episode was forgiven.
What is the purpose of scars? Scar tissue is what has pulled the skin together. It joined two parts that were separated. Scar tissue is often tougher than normal skin tissue and can resist damage more effectively than what was there. It is not pretty, although it is tough. Likewise, the bonds that form in the aftermath of an affair often pull the couple together and strengthen their relationship, although it may not be pretty. Real life is often not pretty. People get their feelings hurt and things often need forgiveness.
Scars are reminders. We can choose to let them remind us of the accident, or choose to remind them how we miraculously made it through that episode. We survived. We were pulled out of a potentially worse situation. We can choose to be thankful regarding scars or we can choose to be regretful regarding scars. I like the line used by Pierce Brosnan in the movie The Thomas Crown Affair, “Regrets are a waste of time”. That quote often helps me keep perspective. You may want to remind yourself of that in responding to scars.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
