One question that clients often ask is whether or not I am married and if so, is it to my first wife. In response, I tell the the truth that yes I am married to my first wife of 20+ years. Many counselors often evade the question or probe into the reasons for asking the question, citing that the client has needs for reassurance. From a client’s perspective, this is an important concern. The mindset of someone who has stayed married is different from someone who has gone through several marriages. As humans, we tend to be creatures of habit, often making the same mistakes repeatedly. Given that this is the case, those who have not successfully navigated through years of marriage only know “what it is like” from textbooks rather than from experience.
When it comes to relationships, experience is important. It does matter if the person you are working with understands commitment, and the challenges of long term relationships first hand. Since our experiences will influence how we view the world, whether or not those you are working with are married and whether they understand long term relationships will influence their perspective.
Those who have gone through affairs do understand the pain involved along with the struggles. There are lessons to be learned there as well.
When your marriage is on the line, knowing that the person who is working with you has experience is important.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
