When you have ‘the talk’ with your spouse, there are many things running through your mind. You may want to let them have a piece of your mind. They will need to know what you are feeling and thinking, yet force feeding them with it, or giving them the whole load all at once, is one sure way to make sure that you are not listened to.
When going through the talk it is also important to consider whether it is more important to be understood or agreed with. In the heat of the arguing, many couples short circuit these two ideas. If you are expecting your spouse to totally agree with your views and your assessment of matters, you are in for a disappointment. If you are approaching the situation where the only way a person can listen to you is if they totally agree with you, it is bound to be a one-sided conversation (it is a mistake to call conversation, realistically, you are dumping, not talking).
If ‘the talk’ is actually going to be a talk, you will need to talk listen, listen some more, ask questions, listen, then talk. When many people think they are talking, it is actually tell them things, seek verification of what you said, tell them some more, interrupt them, tell them more, and when you finish telling them, expect them to love you and give you a hug with full agreement to what you just said.-The reality is that it does not happen that way. It never has. To assume that the talk will go that way is a fantasy.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
