When the cheaters are in the midst of their cheating, it is often bewildering how they can enjoy lust, passion, excitement and other stimulating emotions, yet they seem to have nary a hint of guilt. Yes, they regret getting caught, but that is not the same as feeling that what they did was wrong. How can they feel some emotional states but not all of them?
You may find yourself wrestling with such questions. You know that you would feel the guilt, but they don’t. How can that be?
There are several explanations for this occurrence.
First, when people do experience guilt, they often counteract those sensations with blame. They blame the situation on someone or something. When they are able to magnify the ‘unfairness’ of their situation, then they can ‘indulge’ in an affair as a way of ‘evening’ things up. This way, they feel like they are making things right, rather than experience that they are doing anything wrong.
If you your cheating spouse has often used language about ‘fairness’, or says things like “I don’t deserve this!” they are likely engaging in counteracting their guilt with blame.
Secondly, they may not experience guilt because they do not believe what they are doing is wrong. They will talk about how it is just part of having a healthy sex life. The weird thing I have seen in my experience is that many of those who embrace ‘polyamory’ of swinging are still not OK with everyone knowing what they do. if their ‘free love’ living was all fine and dandy, then whey do they try to make sure that so many people do not find out about it. Such actions lead me to believe that they are really not “ok” with all the free love and affairs.
Thirdly, the cheater could be a sociopath. They could be a person that has not conscience. They only consider their immediate needs and the gratification of those needs. Expecting such persons to feel guilty about what they are doing is an exercise in futility. They have not felt guilty and no amount of lectures or talks will make them feel guilty. They have no qualms about guilt or about lying, or cheating.
I address other questions about infidelity at the site, www.AffairRecoverySecrets.com where I provide a free video series on the topic.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey D. Murrah
