This past weekend, my wife and I attended a wedding. While there, I pondered the question, “What advice would you give a couple in order to avoid affairs?”.
Although it’s not customary to consider affairs while at a wedding with all the promises being made about how you will “Honor, love and cherish” your spouse above all others “until death do you part” (which means you whole life).
Being a realist, I know the potential of affairs are there. Although the intentions are good, people break their promises. With that in mind, what advice is there to reduce the likelihood of affairs?
I nearly wanted to ‘gag’ when some of those who talked about ‘maintaining focus’ and making sure that your spouse is your ‘one and only’ were in attendance with their second or third spouse. It was a total contradiction in messages for me.
They may have learned a few lessons along the way, yet their track record made their advice sound hollow and insincere. They did not come across with conviction.
I suspect they come from the school of ‘one wife at a time’ school of thought rather than the ‘one wife for life’ mindset. (The ‘one wife at a time’ school is popular among preachers and ministers. They are looking for ways around the words “husband of one wife” requirement in Scripture [1 Timothy 3:1-2]).
Their marriage advice bothered me. In my mind, such marriage advice would lead to further problems, not less.
In considering what they said, I decided to develop my own list of advice for newly married couples.
1. Keep no secrets from each other
2. Speak the truth in love
3. Be considerate of one another, even in how you dress on a daily basis.
4. Practice good hygiene
5. Pray together
6. Avoid pornos and toys (I know some ‘experts’ are fine with these, but my experience is that they provide a quick intensity, but open the door to long term problems).
7. Do not fantasize about being with others when you are with your spouse.
8. Try to have fun with each other.
9. Avoid friends who are bad influences.
I recognize that some of you may not like or agree with these suggestions. If it were my son or daughter getting married, these are some of the ones that I would give them. Prevention is always less painful than cleaning up the mess of an affair.
I know that most couples aren’t interested in prevention of affairs and focus instead on cleaning up the mess after it happens. That is a painful way to learn such lessons.
If you’re one of those going through the tough lessons of an affair, sign up for my free newsletter which is filled with helps to get you through your struggles. Better yet, the “30 Days to a Better Marriage” program will get your marriage back into a good place.
Best Regards,
Jeff
