Cultural isolation is a problem with some cheating episodes. When a spouse takes you to a foreign country or city where you do not know anyone, or speak the language, you are at a disadvantage. Although you love them, you are vulnerable.
Being cut off from support, and being unable to communicate effectively, the cheater can hide their actions. Since you are not from there, you are an outsider. Their loyalties will immediately support the cheater over you. You are entering a situation where the odds are stacked against you.
The isolation creates an ‘artificial’ intimacy. There is a closeness, yet it is driven more by desperation than by choice. Being caught in such a situation has you torn between the desperate need for your spouse in order to survive and the repulsion associated with their cheating.
In order to survive, you will need to develop ‘pockets of support’. You will need to find people that can provide you with some emotional support. There will not be many who can provide you with their total support, so you may have to enjoy a little here and a little there.
Cultivate connections for support with online communities. Although they are not there with you, they can provide a lifeline to help you hang in there until you can do something more about your situation.
Use writing to sort out your thoughts. There may be a lot of confusion, and writing helps sort that out. Since the locals do not speak you language, writing is a safer way to explore what you are struggling with. It will work best if you write in your native language.
Being in a foreign will magnify the loneliness and desperation. Recognize that many of the feelings are being magnified. Those feelings are not to be ignored, yet you will need to keep them in perspective. Changes in perspective, live changes in where you live, often make a big difference in dealing with a difficult situation.
Locate places where you can obtain support and useful information. Signing up for my newsletter is one source that can help you.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
