You may wonder why the cheater is not happy even though they are are cheating. They have all the sex they can handle and are still unhappy. If you ask such questions you are assuming that the cheating is all about sex. Cheating in such cases is not all about sex. The unhappiness could also be a sign that they are feeling guilty. They may not acknowledge or admit the guilt, but that does not mean it is not there. It is easier to call guilt ‘unhappiness’ or ‘depression’ or being ‘in a rut’ rather than to admit guilt. Admitting guilt means they would have to acknowledge that what they did was ‘wrong’ .
When the cheater experiences guilt, it means that they have a conscience. They have some internal mechanism of measuring right and wrong. They may not want to listen to it, but it is there. No one wants to admit they are wrong, especially cheaters. They will attempt to rationalize and excuse their behavior, even to the point of changing their interpretation of events and their own personal history. It is as if they create a whole new person. You are not going crazy, they are changing the ground rules on you. They are redefining who they are and what occurred in their past. When people do such an extreme ‘make-over’, is it any wonder that they are not happy?
Bear in mind that they are seeking a fantasy. The fantasy is that some other person will make them ‘whole’, or ‘complete them’ or make them happy. When this fantasy does not happen the way they imagined, they feel disappointed and let down. Rather than deal with the egg on their face, and realize that the fantasy was unrealistic, they instead will look for someone else to blame for their demise.
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Best Regards,
Jeffrey D. Murrah
