Cheaters are selfish. In taking care of what they consider their ‘needs’, they disregard the needs of their spouses and children. In their binge of self-gratification, they often inflict damage on the reputation of the whole family. They may view what they have done as a ‘victimless’ act, yet as the victim of cheating, you know the burden of shame. The soiling of your reputation. When the cheater does their thing, it stains the whole family. Like a ripple effect, the stain does not stop with the cheater.
In my own case, when a family member cheated, I was disappointed in them, shamed and disgraced. I felt inferior to others whose families had not been touched in such a manner. I questioned “How could they do this to our family?” “How could they do it to me?” It led to me also asking myself “What is the matter with me?” “Did I do something wrong?” “What wrong have I done that I deserve this?”
It took years to overcome those tormenting thoughts. The scars of cheating often take years to heal from. Long after the cheating is over, the scars still remain on every member of the family and the families reputation. The cheater often talks of ‘forgiveness’ and how ‘all that is in the past’ in an attempt to dismiss the pain they inflicted on all those around them. What they did has been forgiven, yet the relationships that could have been are long gone. The closeness that could have existed in the family is gone.
The holiday season often serves as a reminder of those scars and the damage done by the cheating. Because of the action of one person, the family has to suffer through another year of fragmentation and shame, all due to one person’s selfishness.
Cheating is an insult to the family. Rationalizing cheating insults morality. Excusing it insults the intelligence.
Moving past the cheating requires honesty. Honesty about the hurt and the insults associated with it.
For more, check out my new Kindle release of “Why wasn’t I enough?”
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
