Has your spouse “strayed” from your marriage. Use of the term ‘stray’ in increasing in reference to cheating. “Stray” conveys the idea of leaving the marriage without the moral baggage that words like adultery and infidelity have with them. Straying is akin to the wander in terms of trying to take the sting out of the painful choice to cheat. The cheater may use such terms in referring to their cheating as a way to soften what happened. The use of such terms waters down what happened. It makes it not sound quite so bad. Although it waters down what happened it deceives everyone around about the affair as well.
Rather than admit the honest truth of “I violated our marriage vows” or “I broke the solemn oath I made before you and God” or “I totally disregarded your feelings, my promises to God and our marriage”, they instead say “I strayed”. Straying makes it sound like a mistake rather than a planned calculated choice. Straying makes it sound accidental, as if they had gotten lost. They still have the good intentions and wanted to do right, but got confused along the way.’
Much like the old cowboys were responsible for rounding up the strays. In dealing with cheaters, you will need to round up the stray lies. You will need to honestly call the cheating what it is. It is important for you and your spouse to have that kind of honesty. Relabeling the cheating as straying is like covering up a bad piece of meat with ketchup. It hides the taste, but it can still make you sick.
For more on recovering from an affair and getting your life back on track, purchase a copy of “How to Cope with a Cheating Spouse” at SurviveYourPartnersAffair.com. If you are looking for on-going support in a safe environment, consider the Affair Recovery Group.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
2 Responses
Thank you, Jeff. My husband usually calls it “drifting.” He says he drifted for a while, but now he’s back. It always bothers me when he says that, but I didn’t stop think about why. Now I know. He’s minimizing what he did. And he’s the one with the six-year EA with his first love. I will address this with him the next time it comes up, which it definitely will.
Yuki,
“Drifting” , Now that is an interesting term. Something or someone who is drifting has no roots. They have no direction and ‘just wandered’ into the affair. It says a lot about where their heart is and what their focus is.