When it comes to forgiveness, it may be a struggle for you. It’s a struggle for many people as they consider what was done, the back story of the affair and fears of being hurt again.
Many times, the back story and fears make forgiving even harder.
For some of you, forgiveness becomes even harder when you’re suffering with a poor image of yourself and easily give in to avoid facing unpleasant emotions and situations.
Your mind obsesses with the back and forth of ‘should I’ or ‘shouldn’t I’ . The struggle takes over your thinking and eventually impacts your decision making. The indecisiveness makes even daily choices difficult.
In such cases, forgiveness means facing unpleasant situations and risking your self image being damaged further. Your spouse has ways of saying things and doing things that hurt.
Confronting them requires risk, especially when what you are confronting them about is what you struggle with forgiving. It’s a no-win situation. You suffer if you say nothing and risk getting hurt if you speak out.
For a person who wants to be liked, forgiveness is a challenge. It takes you WAY OUT of your comfort zone.
Some of you struggle with it, since your idea of forgiveness means letting the cheater off the hook.You may view the grudge or hurt as the only leverage you have on the cheater right now.
There are many reasons for people like you, struggling through the process.
Some days you will be able to forgive better than others. Forgiveness means letting go of ‘revenge’ toward the cheater.
Some of you may struggle with it due to your tendency to forgive the behavior rather than the person. You can not forgive the behavior. You can not condone an affair.
What you can forgive is the person. They still need to be held accountable for what they did, yet forgiveness allows the two of you to be ‘in relationship’. Together, the two of you can tackle the affair, and take steps to heal your marriage.
It is normal to struggle with forgiveness. Nothing is wrong with you if you do. It may even take you a while before you finally choose to forgive. When forgiveness comes too quick or too easy, there are often problems.
These are just a few observations and things I have learned about forgiveness. I’ve put together the best information on forgiveness in my new video, “Forgiveness: Stop the Pain, Tear down the Walls and Remove the Roadblocks”.
If you struggle with forgiveness, you’ll find the guidance in the video taking you through the steps involved.
Best Regards,
Jeff
4 Responses
I’m in this situation right now, I cheated on my boyfriend who now is my husband and we argue constantly about the past. Well the problem is I dont remember a lot about the affair and he thinks that I’m lying and just don’t want to face the situation. I have been to therapy and to a hypnosis which I have not gotten any results. I have done a lot of reading and talk to one hypnotherapist who explained to me about the conscious and subsconsious mind and how it works. I read a article that you posted and i want my husband to read it but he still won’t believe that I don’t have memories of all the things he said I did. At this point I don’t know what to do because he talking about leaving me and getting a divorce I really need help, not to mention he is very stubborn and had been taping me, following me and etc. So I can’t get him to see clearly that something is wrong with me mentally because I don’t recall any of the things that he is saying to me.
JB,
There are situations when people do not remember the cheating or portions of the cheating. I wrote a hub on ways of telling whether it is denial (where you really can not remember) or lying. (Hub on denial) The information may help you and he sort things out better. Hypnosis is often a mixed bag. There are times it will help and times that it does not. With the intense emotions and nature of infidelity, the subconscious material is tricky. The inability to remember could be due to several things. This forum is not the best to address the specifics of your situation. The hub will give you some information to start with.
Is there a way that I could talk to you personally I don’t know where you are located but I need help fast.
Yes, you can contact me via e-mail Jeff@restorethefamily.com That is the best way to reach me.