Some cheaters blame you for what they did. “You made me have the affair!” is used to excuse their actions. A close cousin of that is “You made me angry!” or “You made me mad!” This excuse can be used by the cheater or the one who was cheated on. In using this excuse, you are admitting that you have lost control of your emotions. You are putting all the blame and responsibility on your spouse for what you are feeling. Using this excuse may get you off the hook in the heat of the moment, but it does not improve the relationship.
Using such excuses weakens the relationship in the long run. It conveys irresponsibility to your spouse. It shifts blame, but does not solve problems. It sets up a shaky foundation for resolving anything. If everyone else is to blame, then you only react. Everything sets you off. You can not have a healthy relationship with such a person. Think about this one. If they are not in control of their anger, can they control any other emotion? If they love you, they were made to. If they are happy, you made them that way. If they are sad, you made them that way. They are not a stand alone, I choose to love, hate, be happy, smile, etc. type of person, they are emotional silly putty. As emotional silly putty, they mold to what they are around and copy emotions and things around them. There is nothing genuine and unique about them. They are totally dependent on what surrounds them. Living with such a person may have enjoyable moments, but there is not a solid foundation on which to develop intimacy.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
